Monday, June 2, 2008

M Night Shyamalan's The Happening

I haven’t seen this movie, and I don’t think I ever will. I just want to vent and express how amazing it is to me that he still gets to make movies. M. Night Shyamalan that is. The Village was the worst movie ever made. Until the end. And then came the “twist” and its badness jumped through the stratosphere to levels incomprehensible to the human mind. It became, somehow, the 4 worst movies I have ever seen, because it contained suckness that would normally require the length of 4 movies. So, the 4 worst movies I have ever seen were The Village.

Until he made his next movie. Yes, they let him make another movie after that. Called Lady in the Water. It’s incredibly boring and awful. He claims it’s a bedtime story he made for his kids. He is the only person on earth who thinks a multi million dollar movie should be made out of random stories he makes up to make HIS CHILDREN FALL ASLEEP! And M. Night casts himself as a writer who is destined to save the world with his magical “art.” Apparently at some point in the future, the world is in danger of destruction and the only thing that can save it are pretentious movies with half baked plots and shitty twist endings. Also, overwrought acting helps. Anyway, here are the 7 worst movies I have ever seen, post my Lady Water viewing.

7 worst movies I have seen.

1. lady in the water
2. lady in the water
3. the village
4. lady in the water
5. the village
6. biodome
7. the village

I cant really tell what the happening is about. I hope its set in a world where everything is normal, but a definite article is added anytime the word “happening” is used.

“What’s the happening tonight?”
“I don’t know. I heard there might a concert the happening that people might be going to.”
“When will that the happen?”
“What? You cant add “the” in front of the word happen. Its only in front of the word the “happening.””
“The happening? That’s two words.”
“No I just added a definite article in front of the word cuz that’s what we’re doing now.”
“Who’s on first?”
“M. Night Shyamalan.”

But you know what, I am so fascinated! I want to know if its much worse than his other two movies! I am sure it is, but how? How is that even possible? What crazy self aggrandizing cameo will M. have in this one? I just dont want to give him my money. I wish we had another currency, called Ironic Dollars. That we could all use to watch M’s movies, and then go buy Trolls on dvd. Wait, that is a legitimately good movie. Never mind.


Chris said...

look, the worst moving you've ever seen is "Nothing"

it's at least in the top ten.

Chris said...

oh, also, you will see "the happening." be honest. maybe not this summer movie season - maybe not next summer movie season - but some summer movie season and for the rest of your life.

that last part didn't work.

Kumail Ali said...

This could be the beginning of a beautiful movie watching experience. That doesn't work either...

You're right about Nothing! Its the worst movie ever made.

Fred said...

The most recent portion of M. Night Shyamalan's career makes me sad, because an earlier part was so good. Sixth Sense holds up, and Unbreakable is great. It's like he really is emulating Lucas: make a couple good movies, then set the controls for the heart of the sun.